My Mid-Life Crisis

Hey guys, look - it's me!

No, really! Allow me to explain.

Fun fact about me: I'm a sucker for online personality quizzes. Since I have no hope of ever understanding me on my own, it's only natural that I should resort to the omniscient Internet for assistance.

There's only one problem.

Those quizzes are grossly inaccurate.

Oh sure, I was pretty thrilled with the results of the "What's the Color of Your Aura?" one (pink) and the "What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For?" one (the gentleman - naturally).

But then I decided to take a risk. I did something so hugely unprecedented that...well, it was so unprecedented that there is no way for me to even describe the unprecedentedness of this unprecedented event.

There's been this one quiz popping up all over Facebook the last couple of days, taunting and teasing me, tempting and tantalizing. And I just couldn't resist.

"Can We Guess Who You Are in Only 20 Questions?"

Now I was pretty curious about this one. How specific was this thing going to get?

Would it know my name?

My age?

My favorite color?

My deepest, darkest secrets?

So I set out on a quest to figure out who I am.

The website asked me deep, personal questions like, "How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?" and "Do you prefer beef or chicken?" (Chicken, in case you were wondering)

I pressed on through question after question, determined to discover who I am. Sweat dripped from my brow, my head ached from the extreme mental strain, my hand cramped until I thought I could never let go of the computer mouse ever again, I almost gave up hope, and then...

It ended.

The quiz was over.

My quest to find myself was complete. I breathed a sigh of relief, wiped tears of joy from my cheek, and eagerly began to read:

Here is our best guess at who you are:
1. You are female.
2. You are currently in your mid 40's.
3. You are raising a beautiful family, you have a career you're quite pleased with.
4. You've recently started volunteering in your community. 
5. You are taller than average, you have gorgeous dark hair and beautiful brown eyes.

...

Sayeth what?

Either I'm having a mid-life crisis, or....or....this quiz is wrong. Very, VERY wrong!

(I double checked on my Facebook page, and I'm still an average height, blonde-haired, hazel-eyed teenager with no children or career who likes to sleep instead of volunteering.)

So guys, I think I learned a valuable lesson today: The Internet has no idea what it's talking about 80% of the time (because they at least got the female part right).

And neither do I.

Adieu.