*FREE COOKIES*

Guys.

I'm a bad blogger.

I know you already knew that, but I still feel the need to say it (every single post).

Do you ever just feel like you're super boring? That's a terrible feeling for me as a blogger because it creates the following dilemma:

I know I have an obligation to you, my loyal followers, to provide delightfully charming and witty tidbits to brighten your day (Ha.) but at the same time I feel so indebted to you because you guys actually like my writing (unlike my first semester college English teacher) that failing to meet your expectations (aforementioned delightfully charming and witty tidbits) would be simply unthinkable.

So the simple solution is that if you all would just stop reading and liking my blog, I would feel a lot less pressured and then I might actually post.

But in reality I love you guys too much and that would be heartbreaking. Although I can always count on the random readers who pop up in obscure countries bazillions of miles away from me to stroke my ego...

NEVERTHELESS

Here I am, I am here, HERE AM I!

*waits patiently for applause, cheers, and other assorted sounds of rejoicing to die down*

Anyways. As usual, I did stuff this summer and I have stuff yet to do this summer (Even though there is less than a month of summer technically left, I plan to stuff some more stuff in because stuff is naturally meant to be stuffed in. Why would it be called "stuff" if one was not meant to stuff stuff into stuff?)

And as always, when I do stuff, I learned stuff. So here's the stuff I learned this summer.

1. If you're tired enough, anywhere is a very good place to take a nap.
2. People are odd creatures, ranging from very lame to very cool, and sometimes going very quickly from one to the other. As soon as you think you understand one, they remind you that you very much don't. I personally find this irritating.
3. I am not a tolerant person.

By the way - I actually thought about blogging a lot while I was doing various non-blogging activities this summer, mostly about how I wasn't blogging and how I felt bad about not blogging. Just FYI. (Did you think about me at all?)

4. Detroit (like Nineveh) is not a very nice place.
5. How to spell Nineveh.
6. Piano teachers are very scary people.
7. Telling someone "no" will not be the end of the world. I have a really hard time with telling people no or talking back to them at all, but I learned more or less out of necessity that it is not impossible, even for someone like me who is afraid of confrontation (and people).
8. Urban Dictionary is not helpful when you want to know accurate information about anything except maybe the term "subtweet."
9. When your diet is suddenly switched to nothing but cafeteria food, Hot Pockets, and ice cream, there is one thing that will become vitally necessary. Once you discover the magic of this thing, you will never go back to your boring life beforehand because this thing will give your imagination the boost it needs to convince yourself that every plate of cafeteria food is your mom's cooking. Or maybe it just hides the cafeteria food so you can't see it... Either way, this thing is gravy.
10. Little things make a big difference. Something that may be little or no inconvenience to you could totally change someone's day.

For instance, if you're casually driving eighty-five miles an hour down I-65 and you throw a gummy bear out your car window just for fun, it may stick on the windshield of an eighteen-wheeler carrying a lifetime supply of Hot Pockets and cherry Coke, causing that eighteen-wheeler to careen out of control over a cliff, plummeting into my backyard and thusly making my day better by a factor of approximately sixty-two. (We won't think about the truck driver because who needs that kind of negativity in their life?)

Are you convinced?

I'm going to stop now because ten is a nice, even number.

Like...wow. Look how even that number is.

Just a heads-up for you guys, there's a good chance that my life is going to become suddenly interesting sometime in the hopefully near future, so I will either be blogging a lot or blogging less than my current rate (so whatever is less than never) depending on what kind of interesting it turns out to be.

Isn't life so fun? You never know what's going to happen. Every day is full of surprises.

I hope the vast majority of your surprises are pleasant and that the unpleasant ones are not more unpleasant than necessary.

If you're still reading at this point, here's a virtual cookie and a free self-esteem boost: You're awesome.