Pick Your Battles

This is kind of a culmination of several posts that I almost did over the past month and a half. Originally I felt awful because I was being such a terrible blogger and not sharing my thoughts with my dear readers (all two of you), but now I'm kind of glad I didn't. I always do better work when I've let something that bothers me sit and fester for a little while. This has been greatly bothering me, and it's had a very long time to sit and fester, so if I hold true to past performance, this post should be a masterpiece.

In general, I think social media is more trouble than it's worth (which is why - after deleting a couple of my social media apps and redownloading them and deleting them and redownloading them, along with the conclusion I came to which I will state at some point in this post if I ever mange to escape from the grips of this terrible run-on sentence - I chose to pretty much get off social media for the foreseeable future). Many people agree that social media is not a positive influence; however, in my extensive research (aka top results on Google) the main issues people have with social media include invasions of privacy, excessive wasting of time, and exposure to bad grammar (Um, well. You're not wrong.).

However, it seems to me that social media causes problems that are much more serious than the possibility that the difference between "your" and "you're" will be forgotten forever. While that would indeed be a tragic day for the English language, I see my peers losing more than an appreciation for the nuances of our lexicon because of social media use. 

I see their self esteem shattering.

I see their confidence being lost.

I see their relationships suffering because of insecurity.

(Oh yeah, and me too.)

I realize that these are common issues that teenagers have faced for years, even before social media was a part of our culture. While this is true, teens have never before dealt with them to the extreme that they do today. 

In case you're still skeptical, I assure you that as established in my previous posts, I'm pretty much an expert on all things social media. However, being a teenage girl on social media, I have an especially expansive knowledge of how teenage girls use social media. I did a little casual research (which I actually didn't know was research at the time to be honest) and discovered simultaneously not only teenage girls' number one use for social media, but also what I believe is the number one cause of the problems I just mentioned.

Every time I get together with any of my girlfriends, at some point in our conversation one or both of us will bring up the people who have been our latest Internet stalking victims. Let's be honest, ladies - we all do it.

I used to think that social media stalking was completely innocent and harmless (unless of course you like someone's photo from four years ago, in which case you are doomed), but after seeing its effect on me and my friends, I'm convinced that it absolutely is not.

Personally, I don't really have issues with self confidence. I guess I'm just too clueless and out of it to realize when something I do isn't "cool," and I've accepted that people are different and that some people will like me and some people won't, and that's that. However, most teenage girls do struggle with self esteem in one way or another, and the way most girls use social media only encourages this.

I'm super picky about my Instagram photos and I carefully monitor my page all the time to make sure that everything clicks and looks appropriately artsy and that I'm presenting myself exactly the way I want to, and I've found that this is pretty typical with most girls on Instagram. 

Instagram noobs being all, "X Pro II or Valencia" got us like:

On average it takes me about thirty minutes to do an Instagram post. 

After careful deliberation, I decide whether or not it's been long enough since my last post that I can post without people thinking that I have no life outside Instagram. Then I painstakingly select a photo, basing my decision on my previous posts so I don't have too many of one kind of photo. After all, variety is the spice of life - even my fake Internet life. Then I go through a ridiculously long series of editing apps to make sure that my photo is perfect. Then I comb through thousands of quotes and song lyrics on Pinterest in search of one that I can pretend is meaningful. After posting, I watch like a hawk to make sure I'm meeting my like quota. If I don't get "enough" likes, I sneak back after a couple days and delete the photo, ashamed and determined to "do better" next time. This is how most girls roll on Instagram, and the result is a ton of seemingly perfect profiles. 

It's amazing how easy it is to get access to total strangers on Instagram. Not only is it easy, but Instagram's "Explore" page practically encourages you to go check out as many people as you can.

And sure, they're total strangers, but COME ON - their eyeliner game is totally ON POINT. My eyeliner game is NEVER THAT ON POINT AND IT NEVER WILL BE.

Eyeliner is harmless enough (and if you're lucky enough that that's your only trouble, all I have to say to you is that practice makes perfect). 

But when you compare your entire life to this other person's best representation of theirs, it's easy to feel like you just don't measure up. But for some reason, it's insanely difficult to just not look at the things that make you feel bad about yourself. 

The thing that I hate most about social media is that it can give grossly inaccurate impressions. People pick and choose what they want to put out there to represent themselves, and it's easy to lose sight of the fact that even though their life looks perfect based off of their online profiles, they're human and they have imperfections and things that they don't like about themselves just like you. They could be losing sleep every night stalking your profile, wishing they could be like you - just like you do with them.

IT ISN'T REAL. 

While I don't struggle with self esteem, I have huge issues with being insecure of my relationships. I attribute this to an unfortunate mix of personality traits and character flaws, but whatever insecurity I feel outside of social media is magnified by like, a million as soon as social media becomes involved.

One of my personality traits/character flaws is that I tend to be jealous. While my friends agree that I am "the chillest person on earth," I decidedly lose my chill when I get jealous. I know that jealousy causes problems in relationships anyway, and I struggled with it even before I got involved in social media.

If you can relate to me at all on the jealousy thing, social media is not for you. 

Similarly to the false impression thing I mentioned earlier, social media gives you twisted ideas of how your friends interact with other people. This can be damaging to friendships, but I've seen it completely ruin more-than-friendships.

I used to think that people talking about how communication and trust are vital in order for any relationship to succeed were just reciting cliches, but as I've had more experience with my own relationships and indirectly with others', I've come to realize that it really is that simple.

Simple? Yes. Easy? Not at all.

But as difficult as it is to develop communication and trust in real life, it's even harder on social media, and to be honest, I wonder if it's even possible.

Here's an example:

Billy sees Susie's witty status, chuckles, and likes it, blissfully unaware of the impending chaos this innocent little like will cause.

Sally, Billy's soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend, loses it when she sees that Billy liked Susie's status and after completely overthinking everything, assumes that Billy and Susie have been talking constantly behind her back and that Billy wants to ditch her for Susie. To avoid the embarrassment of being ditched for another girl, Sally texts Billy and breaks up with him.

All because Billy thought Susie said something funny.

While Sally rationally knows that of course Billy isn't interested in Susie because in reality he never sees her or talks to her or has any sort of meaningful connection with her, seeing them interact with that person on social media gave Susie a false impression of the extent of their relationship.

I don't think that I can even scratch the surface of how despicable social media has become to me lately. Does it have potential to be good? Possibly. Has it done me any good (other than giving me the opportunity to share this blog with more people)? Nope.

The only meaningful impact that I see social media having is overwhelmingly negative.

I don't want to sound like a hippie, but negativity is not something you need in your life, especially when that negativity is completely contrived.

So if you find yourself feeling not good enough because of all the "perfect" people you see on Instagram, get off Instagram.

If you find yourself obsessing over every minute detail of your relationships, overthinking and freaking out all the time because of seeing your friends' Internet interactions with people who aren't you, do whatever you need to do to stop seeing those interactions (and probably also work on that deeper-rooted jealousy issue too).

I've been doing some pretty drastic rethinking regarding my personal social media usage. Initially I started by just unfollowing people who I didn't care to keep up with and deleting people whose interactions with others caused me to feel insecure. But I found that I couldn't just stop checking up on everyone. I wasn't addicted by any means, but I don't think that it would be inaccurate to say that I was obsessed.

But how stupid is it to continue to be obsessed with something that drags you down daily?

That's why I'm officially off social media for as long as it takes for me to get my attitude changed.

I don't want to be one of those people who has an on-again, off-again relationship with social media, either.

I saw a meme one time that said that getting off social media is the grown-up equivalent to a kid running away from home - people only do it for attention, and everybody knows they'll be back right away. That's definitely been accurate for most of my friends who've "gotten off." (Yeah, they're all back now.)

I'm not doing this to get attention. I'm doing this because I'm in control of what I allow into my life, and reality is hard enough without letting unnecessary, contrived, artificial drama to permeate my life.

As a Christian, I try to make decisions in my life based off of biblical principles. These are the passages that most influenced me to make the decision to remove social media from my life.

 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you. Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil. (Proverbs 4:23-27)

 “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:23, 31)

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Social media sounds suspiciously like something the Bible says to avoid, and even more suspiciously unlike something true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, or worthy or praise. Consequently, I simply couldn't justify continuing to allow it in my life to the extent that I have previously.

If you can stalk on social media to the glory of God, good for you. All it does for me is encourage jealousy, which ultimately hurts me, which is definitely not a good example of me keeping my heart.

I was a little more transparent in this post than I generally choose to be. While I didn't have it in mind while writing this post, it makes me think of a quote from Ernest Hemingway that seems to be somewhat fitting for how I chose to approach this subject: "Write hard and clear about what hurts."

Social media has hurt me indescribably. It's damaged my trust, it's encouraged manipulative behavior,  and it's made me angry at people I love, all without good reason or justification.

In life you have to pick your battles, and right now I'm choosing to battle with reality first.

My Unintentional Experiment

I conducted an experiment over the last couple of days.

Okay, so it was kind of unintentional, but while I was showering this morning (all my greatest ideas come to me while I'm showering), I realized that it was also sort of an experiment, or at least the preliminary stages of an experiment.

We just discussed in one of my college classes that the first step to conducting an experiment is to make an observation. Here is my observation.

I was unusually productive Sunday, Monday, and this morning (Tuesday). I wrote a letter, I did homework, I practiced piano, I worked out, I cleaned my bathroom, I fixed my hair (quite an accomplishment), etc...

And the only thing that I've done any differently - other than actually accomplishing things - is not get on Facebook.

It was kind of an accident that I did this. While my general opinion of Facebook includes lots of adjectives like "shallow", "time-wasting", and "insipid", a summary of my usage of Facebook only requires one adjective: "addicted".

However, I was busy on Sunday and just kind of forgot to log on. And yesterday I was too busy getting stuff done, apparently.

I've been accidentally Facebook-free for over forty-eight hours. Now in the real world, that's not a whole lot of time. However, Facebook is not the real world, obviously, and in the Facebook world, forty-eight hours is a very, VERY long time.

This is clearly evidenced by the three emails that showed up in my inbox yesterday and this morning (in addition to over eight hundred college emails that have accumulated in about a month) from the lovely folks at Facebook telling me that I "have notifications pending."

(I hate email.)

Three emails in fifteen hours after one day of complete inactivity.

I'm normally fairly good at keeping up on my Facebook, but I can tell you right now that unless one of my fantastic friends stalked all my photos, the chances that I have more than three notifications are very low.

This leads me to the inevitable conclusion that this is an accurate description of Facebook's relationship with me:

Why is Facebook so desperate to get me re-hooked?

One can only conclude that Facebook is in cahoots with the Martians.

By brainwashing the entire population and forcing us into a sedentary lifestyle, the evil geniuses at the forefront of the social media empire are effectively gradually weakening the entire human race to the point that when the Martians invade, we will be all but powerless to defend ourselves.

I kid.

But seriously, I find it incredibly interesting and likely not coincidental that my real life activity increased relative to my decreased social media activity.

Facebook is great. In fact, I'm going to finally break my accidental social media fast so I can share this post (because otherwise like two people will read it, and while blogging is fun and all, it's much better when people actually read your writing).

But I would encourage you to try just taking a little time off and see what happens. It can't hurt. Your time is too valuable to spend on things that aren't beneficial.

Additionally, it's important to keep in mind when using Facebook that it isn't real. It creates an artificial environment, and it's easy to blur the lines between what is true and what isn't. Like anything else, there's nothing wrong with a little fun, but stay firmly grounded in reality. You have a life outside of Facebook.

I don't care how cute that guy is, he can wait a day to get a message from you (and if he can't then GIRL you don't need him). Those likes on your adorable new profile pic will still be there after some time has gone by. I know it seems absolutely crucial that everyone knows what an AMAAAZING time you had shopping with your BFF, but I promise the world will go on even if you don't update your status today.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a whole day ahead of me and time is a-wasting.

Halloween: A Rant

I'm told that today is a holiday.

But everyone is still going to school and work and everything, so I say lies.

My family has never celebrated Halloween, and to be honest, despite it being a holiday primarily centered around candy and sweet things, it certainly leaves sort of a bad taste in my mouth.

(Ho, I'm so clever. Forsooth.)

So yeah, I don't like Halloween.

And as usually goes with my blog posts, this started with a thought.

"Wow, Halloween is really stupid."

Then it became a snarky Facebook status.

Then I thought, "Wow, Halloween is so stupid that I could probably write a whole blog post about why I don't like it."

And here we are, friends.

One of the things I think is really weird about Halloween is the fact that our neighbors who ignore us all year suddenly think it's okay to come knocking on our door asking for candy. In what universe does it make any sense that I am randomly going to give you my precious Snickers bars and peanut butter cups? I wasn't gonna give them to you yesterday, I'm not going to give them to you tomorrow, and I sure as anything am NOT going to give them to you today.

Another thing that I don't like about Halloween is the fact that adults and parents can be absolutely psychotic. Some parents seem to try to vicariously relive their childhood Halloween memories through their children by forcing their children to dress up and dragging them from house to house collecting sugary loot like Viking plunderers. 

This is pretty much the most accurate depiction of Halloween night I've ever seen.

On sort of a side note, I've never been a parent but it's been my observation that it's very difficult to force kids to do things they don't really want to do.

For example, that totally cute pumpkin costume for your little one?

Expectation

Bitter reality

And can you blame the poor kid? That pumpkin's face clearly says, "I'm currently absorbing your soul."

Something else I don't like about Halloween is the fact that I saw one witch in the Publix bakery this morning and then I saw another one hanging out by the orange juice. I am not okay with that.

But the thing that really sealed the deal for me on not liking Halloween is how we have to do Halloween night in our house.

The first wave of trick-or-treaters usually comes right around sunset. A lot of times we go out to dinner or something to avoid them, but by the time it's dark outside, if you look out the window the streets are packed so full you can't drive through. Kids are swarming the houses like cockroaches. Plus, some people actually come to our neighborhood especially for trick-or-treating, which personally I think is cheating. If your neighborhood isn't good enough for you, that's your fault for not taking into account the trick-or-treatability before you moved there.

From each according to how bogus they think Halloween is, to each according to how well they planned ahead for Halloween. 

In other words, if I didn't hate Halloween and I was giving out treats, fully-committed Napoleon Dynamite who knows the entire dance is getting a whole bag of peanut butter cups, while five-minute sheet-ghost over here is getting celery sticks.

We turn off all our lights and put a heavy blanket over our front door. And that's pretty much how we spend Halloween night, barricaded in our home while strangers loot and plunder our village.

In conclusion, I strongly dislike Halloween and I think it should go away.

However, I must admit that there is one thing I like about this ridiculous holiday.

Day-after-Halloween candy clearance - in other words, the day that Meredith blows all her money on peanut butter cups and gallons of milk, cocoons herself in fuzzy blankets, and watches Jane Austen movies all day.

Now there's a holiday I can really get into.

A Lily Among Thorns

I know it's totally unusual that I manage two blog posts in two days (or even two months for that matter), but let's not talk about that. Let's just enjoy the illusion that Meredith has gotten her act together as long as we can, okay?

Okay.

I'm here to talk to you guys about love.

And since I'm a young teenager who has never been in a serious relationship, obviously I know what I'm talking about.

I did some extensive research (and by "extensive research" I mean "I Googled this") and the definition for love I found is "an intense feeling of deep affection."

Let's just say I wasn't exactly satisfied with that definition.

So I delved even deeper into my intensive research. I Googled "true love." Underneath an entry about a movie from the late eighties, I found a poetic entry in the Urban Dictionary. It's quite long (after all, love is a complicated thing to define, evidently), but here are a few excerpts. (And here is the full article - warning: barf bags may be necessary)

Love is the feeling you get when all you have to do is think of her and it brings a smile to your face and a yourning to your heart. Love is not being able to think about nething but her.

Love is an overwelming feeling of pure bliss when the 2 of u kiss. Love is wanting to hold her in ur arms till the end of time.

Love is telling her u want to spend the rest of your life with her. Love is wanting to marry her even tho ya'll haven't been dating that long.

*facepalm*

I don't know what a "yourning" is, but boy do I want to bring one to someone's heart. And I definitely want a guy to think about "nething" but me.

Way to go, Romeo.

Now I hate to not give someone's work a fair evaluation just because their grammar and spelling was magnificently incorrect.

(But guys, don't ever underestimate the power of a good vocabulary and skilled handling of the English language.)

But this person's attempt at defining love, along with many others, doesn't quite capture the entire idea.

Most people never get past thinking that love is about what you feel.

And don't get me wrong, love certainly is very much about those nice romantic feelings.

I read some in Song of Solomon to research for this post (don't tell my mom), and I'm not going to lie - I kind of felt like I was reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

So according to the Bible, love does and should make you feel warm fuzzies.

BUT THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD GUYS

Love is so much more special and beautiful than all those feelings.

As nice as it is to feel love, feelings are only temporary. And to quote that cheesy song, I want a love that will last.

Based off of the Bible, I can conclude that the thing we're getting wrong about love is...well, pretty much everything.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4-7)

When I read those verses, I can't help but think about my friends who are so "in love" with whoever they may currently be interested in. They gush about how much they love that person, but when I compare their relationship to the Biblical standard, their "love" simply doesn't hold up.

To be completely open, honest, and teenage girlish, I absolutely cannot wait to fall in love, get married, and raise a family with whoever God has for me. Thinking about it makes my heart so very glad.

But I want more than a shallow love based only on feelings. I don't want to have a relationship that makes people shake their heads and speculate about how long it will last. I've seen so many romances gone bad because there is no substance, and when the feelings went away, suddenly there just wasn't any love left.

I don't want my love to be cheap and shallow. I want people to see that there is something different with me.

I want to be a lily among the thorns.

#DONOTPARTICIPATE

This is sort of a special installment in the "Meredith Talks About Social Media" series.

Those of you who know me personally know that my interaction with other members of humankind is a constant struggle between sassymouth Meredith and sensible, kind Meredith. This is a struggle magnified in person because those interactions happen in real time. It's important to me that I maintain a good Christian testimony and that I am gracious to others. Consequently, I generally avoid voicing my opinions in person because I have a very good chance of slipping from intelligent debate into senseless and immature argumentation.

Since I am somewhat lacking in the controlling-myself-verbally-around-others department, I choose to voice my opinions here.

(And that's where I'm probably going to lose most of you...)

If you're reading this, there's a good chance that you're a person.

If you're a person, then there's a good chance that you're a social media user.

And if you're a social media user, then there's a good chance that somewhere along the way in your wonderful social media journey, you've fallen prey to something like this:

"Thousands of YOUR skin cells are dying every day. Little did you know that every time you scratch your arm, you KILL poor, helpless skin cells. STOP SCRATCHING AND SAVE YOUR SKIN. #SaveOurSkin #StopScratching #WorthItToItch #Hashtag #Selfie #Awareness"

Yes, this is an exaggeratedly shallow hypothetical awareness post. I didn't want to step on any toes.

I wouldn't be surprised to find out there's a toe-stepping awareness kick going on somewhere and I would hate to step on their toes because they might hashtag me to death.

I digress...

If you have seen something like my ludicrous skin cell salvation example, then you have experienced the most recently developed ways to support a cause: social media activism.

I am an almost-embarrassingly regular user of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. In my experience with these sites, I have observed a lot of shallowness, narcissism, and - the good homeschooler in me cringes to say the "S" word - downright stupidity.

Generally, I don't mind that much, because hey - people are just dumb sometimes. But in the case of social media "activism," I find myself more and more irritated with every new awareness trend.

I feel like now would be an excellent time to clarify something: I acknowledge that social media can be a very effective way to raise awareness for legitimate, serious issues, and I have no problem with that.

Here are the problems I do have with social media activism when it is abused or misused.

Raising awareness is excellent. However, the vast majority of social media activists seem to be okay with just raising awareness. The point of raising awareness for a cause is to help get support for the cause. Don't commit to just awareness - awareness without support is useless.

"Oh yeah, I saw someone's post about that" is much different from "Oh yeah, that person got physically involved with that/donated money/did whatever it is people do when they support a cause." One of those two courses of action is going to show that you're legitimately committed and that you really think it's worth people's time. I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.

Right. The people who get involved are going to leave more of an impact.

Social media is a very powerful way to communicate with others and get a message out. It is becoming increasingly more common that social media activism trends go viral. A good principle to keep in mind when entering the world of social media activism is that with great power comes great responsibility. (And NO I am not quoting Spider-Man's Uncle Ben - it's Voltaire, dearie.) Make sure you know what you're plugging. Think about the possible outcomes (and consequences). If you passionately (and publicly) support an "awesome" cause that later turns out to have been not so great, it will reflect badly on you and you are going to look very foolish.

Honestly, we could avoid a lot of problems if people would just think about things a little more.

My biggest issue with social media activism is the fact that because many of its participants are uninformed and not really dedicated to the cause that they so vehemently defend on social media, were you to bring it up in a real conversation, it is unlikely the person would be a very convincing activist. Your social media "life" should not be a completely separate entity from your real life. The two are intertwined, like a cool twisty pretzel.

While this concept applies to every aspect of social media use, it should be especially true in something that you are supposedly defending and trying to raise awareness for.

Guys. Keep it real. We as individuals are very small and we like to feel...well, not small. Being a part of something bigger is fulfilling and makes us feel powerful. But don't be fooled.

When you see this:

My knee-jerk reaction would be to recommend #DONOTPARTICIPATE (probably because I think like a grumpy old person)

However, you are probably a better person than I am.

So if you just can't resist, proceed with caution. Don't support something on social media that you don't really care about any time other than the five minutes it takes to do an Instagram post. And if you honestly care about something, do your research and find out how you can really get involved. 

Challenge yourself to do more than hashtag your way to feeling like you've helped.

#PeaceOut