Peer Review

So I've taken quite a few writing classes, whether at home or through homeschool co-ops or in my dual enrollment classes. They've all been very different in many ways, but one thing that has been the same in every last one, the thing that all English teachers seem to love and all students love to hate, the thing that never fails to drive me absolutely bonkers - peer review.

I simply don't understand how anybody can write anything so bad as all the papers I have to evaluate. So in an attempt to better relate to ninety percent of the people in my composition classes, I've decided to try to write something like the hoi polloi... *AHEM* Meredith's poor writing!

Poor Writing About Writing

Writing is one thing that almost all students I know have to do alot of. Though, not many people are very good writing. And, I think I must be good at it because well, I just do it alot. Though, there are something about it that are just distasteful. One thing that people dislike with writing is, that it takes alot of time. And, alot of people are really criticism of other's writing especially when they think their are mistakes. I had one teacher who always told me I used to many commas and then gave us alot of rules about them, but, I think that I use them right all ways. He said that their where only too people in the class who knew how to use them, commas, rightly, but, I was thinking he got confused and is wrong. He also told the class that he can tell when they dont know how to use commas because, they just put them in every, six, words, or so. I know I don't do that, so,,,, I think I'm ok. 

To conclude although people battle, ferociously, against  writing. Though I think, its ok, and continue to do it alot.

I hope my thoughts weren't organized too clearly... I don't think I did a very good job being bad. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a writing assignment to do.

On Puns

I like puns, most of the time. I think deep down, everyone has an attraction to cleverness that we can't really ignore. Maybe that's why so many people groan at puns (even good ones).

THEY LOVE IT AND THEY CAN'T HELP THAT THEY LOVE IT AND THEY HATE THAT THEY CAN'T HELP LOVING IT.

People are weird like that. We like to control ourselves and not being able to control something like loving puns deep down in our soul is uncomfortable.

Even though puns are a pretty basic form of humor, they are not completely ridiculous. Trust me, I have a diagram. Sort of. And everybody knows diagrams grant instant credibility.

I went all Aristotle on you all this time and actually organized and defined several different types of humor and arranged them by ridiculousness. The lower they are on the list, the more ridiculous.

The first and lowest form of humor is also my brother's favorite: anything crude. Yes, I know that various bodily sounds are funny - SOMETIMES - but how much thought does it take to make a joke around them? Not much. So even though this type of humor may be funny, it is certainly the most ridiculous.

The next type is actually divided into two sub-types: knock-knock jokes and puns. Since many knock-knock jokes are actually puns, I thought it was appropriate to combine them. After all, a pun is a play on words, so "Knock knock! Who's there? Etch. Etch who? Gesundheit!" is a type of pun. However, I also think that knock-knock jokes are a lower type of humor even than puns, so they do come below puns. Puns are defined as jokes that exploit the different meanings of a word. And they are fun.

As for the highest form of humor, that remains undecided. For a while I considered sarcasm, but to an extent sarcasm is just being mean under the guise of a humorous quip. (Which is partially why it's so much fun) Being mean is something that most people can do quite easily, and consequently doesn't require much thought, so sarcasm is not the highest form. Another type I considered was those irritatingly long jokes written as epic poems or novels or encyclopedias, but those bug me so much that I couldn't handle thinking about them long enough to classify them. Since this classification of humor is a work in progress, perhaps I'll have another post for you later, but since it is not yet complete, I'll just show you my instantly credible diagram and go study for finals. (It's amazing what I accomplish when I need to be doing something else, yes?)

Meredith's Typology

??

SARCASM

PUNS/KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES

C R U D E    J O K E S

Another morning and I wake with thirst

for the goodness I do not have. I walk
out to the pond and all the way God has given us such beautiful lessons. Oh Lord,
I was never a quick scholar but sulked
and hunched over my books past the hour
and the bell; grant me, in your mercy,
a little more time. Love for the earth
and love for you are having such a long
conversation in my heart. Who knows what
will finally happen or where I will be sent,
yet already I have given a great many things
away, expecting to be told to pack nothing,
except the prayers which, with this thirst,
I am slowly learning.

                 - Thirst, Mary Oliver

"This book has pores. It has features. This book can go under the microscope. You'd find life under the glass, streaming past in infinite profusion. The more pores, the more truthfully recorded details of life per square inch you can get on a sheet of paper, the more 'literary' you are. That's my definition, anyway. Telling detail. Fresh detail. The good writers touch life often. The mediocre ones run a quick hand over her. The bad ones rape her and leave her for the flies. So now do you see why books are hated and feared? They show the pores in the face of life. The comfortable people want only wax moon faces, poreless, hairless, expressionless. We are living in a time when flowers are trying to live on flowers, instead of growing on good rain and black loam. Even fireworks, for all their prettiness, come from the chemistry of the earth. Yet somehow we think we can grow, feeding on flowers and fireworks, without completing the cycle back to reality. Do you know the legend of Hercules and Antaeus, the giant wrestler, whose strength was incredible so long as he stood firmly on the earth? But when he was held, rootless, in midair, by Hercules, he perished easily. If there isn't something in that legend for us today, in this city, in our time, then I am completely insane."

-from Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury)

Is it curling the hair

Or painting the face?

Pinning on bows,

Pink ribbons, and lace?

Flounces and frills,

Bracelets and rings?

Polishing nails?

Is it all of these things?

No, you can't pin it on

Like a bow in the hair.

You can't put it on

Like the garment you wear.

It's deeper than ornaments

Gracing the skin.

For true femininity

Comes from within!

It glows from a heart

That is gentle and kind,

A soul that is chaste,

An honest, pure mind.

Without inner goodness

How futile the bows,

For "pinning on petals"

Can ne'er make a rose!

-True Femininity, by Emily Hunter

How to Get Ununinspired

I realized that like my last twenty-six blog posts have started out with "I'm really sorry" or something along those lines, so this time I'm not even going to bother.

I regret nothing.

Okay, I lied, I seriously wish that I had posted at least one more time than I did over the last almost-month (which would put me at a grand total of one post). I do, however, feel that I had a good reason for my non-presence in the blogging world.

I was uninspired.

Yep. See that right there? That was me. Sad, but true.
As bummerific as being uninspired was/is, I know that I cannot possibly be the only person to suffer from it.

So here is a top ten list for you guys!

HOW TO WRITE UNUNINSPIRED BLOG POSTS

1. Look up quotes, think about them, and write your thoughts on them.
2. Think of a random top ten list to post. (I promise you guys this one actually does not apply to this post; however, I have used it numerous times in the past.)
3. Do something fun, unusual, exciting, adventurous, silly, unique, insane, adrenaline-pumping, dangerous, special, or crazy (preferably all of the above). Take pictures.
4. Find a really old picture and post a memory it brought to mind.
5. Post something random, funny, and so completely out there that all your fans will love you forever. (I like to think I'm an expert at this one)
6. Post an inspiring message about self-motivation, beauty, love, friendship, family, or something like that.
7. Read other people's blogs. (Oftentimes I find that I am not alone in leaving my blog untouched for long periods of time, and then I feel better about myself.)
8. Sit and think for a while before you start to write. I've found that some of my best topics come to mind at a whim.
9. Dissect a fetal pig.
10. Write a journal post. Not like an "OH DIARY LET ME TELL YOU THE SECRETS OF MINE INNERMOST HEART," but rather, let your readers in to your life. Let them get to know you, your interests, how you pass your time (Half my time is spent wishing that I was a better blogger), your family, and such like. It could be fun! ;)

Another thing that I've discovered is the power of the scheduled post. When I am in an inspired mood, I find myself  wanting to write post after post after post, but not wanting to overwhelm you, my readers. So I write as many posts as I wish, but schedule each for a different day. That way, you can cheat and make it look like you are a most inspired person, when really, you just wrote like ten posts in one day and spread them out. (Life hack right there, people. You should thank me.)

Now go! Take what I have taught you! Be ununinspired bloggers!

I wrote a haiku

Nothing good to say.
But I said it anyway.
So I guess I win.

Gray and White

I stare into infinite White, wondering how I will ever win the battle over nothingness.

White stares back, daring me to mar its purity.

Holding my breath, I direct my pencil towards White.

Delicate whispers of Gray on White.

I breathe easier and continue fighting Gray's battle.

Further and further, darker and darker Gray grows.

Checking each line, aiming for perfection.

Darker Gray creeps up on White.

I am grinning now as the battle is being won.

But then a traitorous line gives White a chance.

White floods to all corners, obliterating almost all Gray.

Aided by my own eraser, White is once again victorious.

Taunted by White, let down by Gray, I am tempted to throw down my pencil.

But then I see a brave little Gray, hiding away from White, and I know I must not abandon it.

The little Gray grows darker on White.

I move my pencil quickly and skillfully, carefully penciling in each detail.

White is retreating surely and briskly.

And then just as almost all is gone, I stop, and breathe, "Perfect."

Remaining are both Gray and White.

Wondering White knows not why it has been allowed to remain.

Victorious Gray groans at my mercy.

Looking at my masterpiece, I smile, for I know this:

Gray is nothing without contrasting White.