A Strange Light

I spend a good bit of my time in public lately.

Now don't get me wrong, I still love pulling on a pair of sweatpants and hiding under my comforter for hours at a time, but since I've started dual enrolling, I have to go places and interact with people.

And even though for the most part I "fit in" (whatever that means) fairly well, I still kind of feel like this happens when I'm walking around:

(Only I don't look quite so fantastically beautiful.)

It's not because I sometimes spontaneously make spastic movements because I'm excited about something.

 

It's not because I look funny. (Usually.)

 

It's not even because I have this inexorable urge to break into the abandoned coffee shop at school and wander around dramatically singing "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables."

 

 

Don't judge.

 

I have this one teacher at school who is very interested in the fact that I happen to be a dual enrolled student who is also homeschooled. He told me he's always been a little skeptical about homeschooling in general, so naturally I felt a little pressure from the get-go to prove to him that whatever negative thoughts he had about homeschoolers weren't true, at least not for me.

 

So when we had our first test on Monday, my normal love for tests of all shapes and sizes was slightly tainted with anxiety. It was pretty typical as far as tests go, and as far as testing goes at this particular college, it was a pretty typical day. There were a couple of people who finished in five minutes, which used to impress me but I now know generally means they did quite poorly indeed. I finished in about twenty-five minutes, but I knew I wouldn't get picked up until later and I was quite comfortable, so I pretended to check my work for fifteen minutes longer.

 

I felt like I probably did okay on the test, but I wasn't sure, and I was worried.

 

Thusly, come the next class period, I was quite relieved when I walked into the classroom and the teacher said, "Here comes my star student!" I got the highest grade in the class, and I was pleased.

However, when the teacher was going over the test, I noticed one question that I had missed that he had not marked incorrect.

 

Oh, great.

 

My grade was already further away from a perfect score than I was happy about. To speak up and point out to the teacher that he had given me too high a grade would be stupid. I was at the top and I was happy about it and I did NOT want that to go away.

 

But on the other hand, honesty is the best policy, yes?

 

Nobody should have to deal with moral dilemmas at 9:45 in the morning.

 

Nevertheless, deal with it I did. I raised my hand and from my seat in the back row (I came in late on the first day and the teacher made us stay in whatever seat we had chosen) called out, "I think I missed one and you didn't take off for it."

 

Every head in the classroom turned around and stared at me.

 

The teacher is somewhat hard of hearing, so he asked me to repeat myself. The other students all looked at me, their confused expressions screaming, "What is wrong with you? SHUT UP."

 

I repeated myself and the professor got a little twinkle in his eye. He turned to one of the students in the front row and asked what they thought he should do. She said that since it was his mistake, she thought I should get to keep my original score, to which the professor replied that he decidedly disagreed.

 

He started walking down the aisle and I put on a brave face. I had literally just given away two precious points from my test score, and I felt like a tender part of me was about to have a giant red X scratched across it. But when the teacher handed back my paper a few moments later, instead of a glaring, blood-red -2, I saw a cheery, scarlet +2 written next to the question.

 

Now this teacher is a Genuine Antique Person, and he has a ball cap to prove it. I thought maybe he had just misunderstood me, but all I could get out was a confused "Umm..."

 

The teacher, talking to the whole class, said that because he's eighty years old and has been working at the school for ten years, he can basically do whatever he wants because the school isn't going to do anything to him. Apparently he also believes that honesty is the best policy, so in a case like mine, if the student doesn't try to hide the mistake, he rewards their honesty.

 

So that worked out.

 

Except that here I am, less than a month into the semester and already everyone in that class thinks I'm a little strange.

 

But that's okay. I didn't know that the teacher was going to reward me. I just knew this: Even though I don't loudly announce to the whole world that I'm a Christian, if I don't represent that in my actions, people definitely will never have a chance to see Christ through me.

 

So if looking a little strange to others means maintaining a good testimony, I'd say that's a pretty good tradeoff.

 

In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. (John 1:4-5)

 

People may not always understand the difference, but they will always notice it.

 

Be the light.

 

Be strange.

The Character Secret

I'm a girl.

And being a girl is hard.

A few common characteristics of girls include tendency to overthink things, obsession with their appearances, and extreme concern for what people think of them.

Under the pressure of our overwhelmingly beauty-obsessed society, many girls entangle themselves with drugs or alcohol, develop eating disorders, or find themselves depressed because they are not pretty/thin/popular enough to satisfy the standards they think they must accept.

Because I'm a good, dedicated blogger, I've actually done a lot of research for this post, looking at statistics and whatnot. (And besides, I have a blog, so that grants me instant credibility.)

I noticed that it seems as though the percentage of girls who are happy with themselves is inversely proportional to the age of the girls surveyed. (English translation: the older the girls were, the fewer said they were happy with themselves.)

If you go on a valiant quest to discover scholarly literature on the top issues teenage girls are told they should face, poor body image/low self esteem are the omnipresent topics.

The overall impression given is that girls always have, always will, and always should be first and foremost concerned with how they look and whether their appearance is "acceptable" to their peers.

But I know a powerful secret.

If this secret were revealed to and accepted by everyone, it would likely result in the downfall of the modern beauty industry, the entertainment arena, and fashion empires worldwide.

This secret puts all of my teenage girl issues in perspective.

Meredith's Panacean Secret: Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. (Prov. 31:10)

In this verse and those following, we find a list of characteristics that should be desirable in a lady.

Only twice did I find anything remotely related to appearance.

However, more than a dozen character traits are listed. A kind spirit and good heart, trustworthiness, diligence, shrewdness, industriousness, generosity, a well-informed mind, compassion - the list goes on.

Society's obsession with beauty is in direct contradiction to the biblical truth: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. (Prov. 31:30)

Girls who reject society's perverted views and seek the truth are more valuable than rubies.

Here's a little tidbit about rubies from this article:

"Among rubies though, there is no shortage of small gems, the kind used in cluster rings. They are somewhat expensive, but readily available. It is when you get into gems of a carat o[r] more that they get really expensive. Good quality rubies in this size range are few and far between."

It's not difficult to find a woman.

It's not even that difficult to find a woman of character. Like smaller rubies, they are readily available and have significant value.

But virtuous women are few and far between.

I want to be one of the few.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. (Prov. 31:28)

On Sincerity

"If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all." 

A common enough aphorism, I'm sure. I know I've heard this one more times than I can say I always appreciated.

But as usual, it took me a long time to realize the full measure of wisdom in this saying (and chances are I still haven't got it all). Not only did it take a long time, it actually took some divine intervention.

As stated in previous posts, I am a girl. And as I am well aware, girls are very odd and often irrational creatures. And I'm about to tell you one of our greatest secrets.

We all hate each other.

Oh, sure, you may be my best friend, but you have nicer hair than me. You may be my sister, but WHY do you have such gorgeous eyes? 

We can't stand not having all the beauty, talent, intelligence, humor, charm, and wit when obviously every other girl does.

We hate you.

Nevertheless, we will rain down compliments on you like nobody's business at every possible opportunity.

Because we hate you.

"Ohhhhh my gooooodnessss girlll!!!! I loooooveee your hairrr!!!"

"DEM EYES DOE"

"Can you just not? Please? Like...just no. Stop. Ugh."

*shudder*

Sadly, I think I'm guilty of all of those examples and more.

Now don't get me wrong - girls can compliment sincerely. But in general, we don't think through what we're saying enough to even be completely sure that we mean it.

I've been thinking a lot about sincerity lately and trying to be more careful about not paying compliments that I don't honestly mean.

So this brings me back to the original thought. Compliments are always good, yes? So what's the harm in paying a few not-entirely-sincere compliments?

I was reading through Psalms earlier (because I really think it would be very hard to read too many Psalms - they're good for my heart and mind) and I came across these verses:

Help, LORD; for the godly man ceaseth; for the faithful fail from among the children of men. They speak vanity every one with his neighbour: with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak. The LORD shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaketh proud things. (Ps. 12)

See that line that I put in bold? Does that sound familiar at all?

Well, I don't know about you, but it sounds an awful lot like those insincere compliments I told you about. And it doesn't sound like God deals very kindly with people who do that.

Don't be insincere with your words.

Not only does that passage in Psalms tell us what we should not do, it gives us something to aim for (I love when the Bible is this clear).

The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.

This is the standard that we should hold ourselves to. So perhaps it's time we rephrase those wise words from earlier now that the Bible has shed some light on the situation.

"If you don't have anything good, true, and sincere to say, don't say anything at all."

On Love

Now, now. I know several of you probably saw the title of this and freaked out. To those of you who just had a similar knee-jerk reaction to that of Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice upon hearing that Mr. Bingley is coming to town ("It is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him as soon as he comes.") I offer a hearty "pooh pooh" and tell you: CALM YOURSELVES.

This post is not going to be about falling in love. Check back in about thirty-five years for that one. (Sorry to disappoint.)

I've been hearing a lot about loving other people lately, from people who differ greatly in age, belief, personality, etc... So I just thought I would briefly offer some musings on the subject of love.

At Bible Conference at the college this spring, there was a speaker who talked about Calvary love, which loves in spite of all our shortcomings, and how this is the type of love that we should show in our lives. We love because love is of God and He first loved us, and we love unconditionally because that's how God does it.

Something that actually really convicted me about loving people was reading old letters from my cousin Sara. She was only about six years old, but what she said to me then really touched my heart reading it over again. (I'm going to change it just a little because the grammar and spelling is a little difficult to understand)

"I love you so much since you love me so much. Mommy loves you too for that card. Do you like this? Send your card to me and I will be happy. Will you be happy too? I hope you will be happy.  PJ loves you too. Philip loves you too, and Joshua and Caleb too, and Daddy and Mommy too.

The two best things are Jesus and love."

And in another one...

"Are you loving people?

I hope you are."

Sara's letters made me realize that I definitely have not been truly loving people. When you read her letters, you can tell that she was absolutely obsessed with other people - loving them, making them happy, putting them first. Seeing a little girl (albeit an extraordinary little girl) with so much capacity for love made me wonder how much more I should be able to love now. 

It's not always easy. People won't always love you back. (And they have rewarded me evil for good, and hatred for my love -Ps. 109:5) 

But God so loved the world. The whole world. I think I can at least try to love the folks in my little piece of it.

Let brotherly love continue. (Hebrews 13:1)

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. (1 John 4:7)

Messes of Pottage

My dog is not too brilliant. (If you've been unlucky enough to meet her, you know that quite well.)

So the other day, Mom had this huge bone left over from a roast she made. And because we love Grace in spite of her selfishness and stupidity, we let her have the bone so she could chew on it or something like that. Now although Grace has the mentality of a Great Dane, she is most definitely just a quivering little Cocker Spaniel who could hardly hurt a fly. She did almost no damage to that huge bone. Honestly I think she just liked having something to put in her mouth.

But she loved that thing.

She guarded that thing, too.

We found her randomly holed up with the bone in her crate after we gave it to her, and whenever we got too close, she would growl and bare her teeth at us. (Obviously she never learned that sharing is caring.)

We decided to let her just stay in there for a little. We figured eventually she would get bored and come out. But there she stayed, all morning, with a bone she had no clue what to do with, but felt she had to protect. Finally I pulled out her leash in an attempt to coax her out. She almost came, but for some reason felt that her useless bone was worth forfeiting a walk, her favorite thing in her entire doggy world.

I can see the total stupidity of her decision because she's my dog. But I do the same thing with my God. Rather than abandoning the corruptible things of this world for God's eternal riches, I stubbornly cling to my messes of pottage, only focusing on what satisfies my worldly lusts. God is offering me the best gifts imaginable, but I'm too busy chewing on my bone to walk with Him. If I would just look to Jesus, I would see that these things have no value compared to what He has laid up for those who diligently seek Him.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in his wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace.

On Gideon

I'm a girl.

Yeah, shocker, right?

Since I'm a girl, when I study the Bible, I have a tendency to ignore the guys and just focus on the girls (sorry, guys) There are lots of cool guys to study in the Bible, don't get me wrong, but Ruth, Esther, Rahab, Mary, Deborah, and all those awesome chicks have been there for me through thick and thin. But today in Sunday School we had a lesson about a guy that I really, really appreciated. It kind of stuck in my brain and is something I can apply to my life. Naturally, I will share.

Gideon was kind of like me. He wanted to do something great for God, and he loved the idea of it, but when the time came that God was ready to use him, he kind of chickened out and had to be babied along. Those of you who know me know that a lot of times I have really good ideas and plans, and I'm going to be amazing and adventurous and save the day, and then I wimp out and depress us all.

Anywho, here are a few random lessons I learned from Gideon.

We all know the story about how Gideon was called to deliver the Israelites from Midian. (If that's not ringing a bell, why don't you go enjoy Judges chapters six and seven?) So Gideon found out that God was giving him something he really wanted - a chance to serve. And what does he do?

He asks God for a sign that this was truly the Lord's will.

So God gives him one.

And then what does he do?

He asks for another sign.

I do this a lot. Because I'm WEIRD, I actually don't have much trouble trusting God through hard times. Oddly enough, it's when it actually starts to look like God is giving me what I asked for that I freak out. I think that surely I'm not going to get this thing I wanted and I try not to get excited because I know that I'm just going to lose whatever it is as soon as I start to think it's really mine. But that's not how God wants us to live. NO GOOD THING will He withhold from them that walk uprightly. We don't need to be asking for signs. Just trust that God will give you the desires of your heart.

Lesson number two: Don't be a chicken. When Gideon finally started leading his army to battle, and God was telling him to send people home, the first people to go were the people who were afraid. God can't use people who are going to be scared all the time. Only be strong and very courageous.

One last thing, which kind of goes back to the first one, follow through on your commitments. Gideon got what he wanted and was about to save Israel. Aaaand he got nervous again and was freaking out like "Oh my worrrrrd! The Midianites have like, a gazillion guys and we only have like threee hundred!!! We are soo dead!!! Oh my worrrd what am I gonna do?? I don't even knoowwww!"

Seriously, bro?

So God told Gideon to go down into the camp of the Midianites, which he did, and Gideon overhears these Midianite soldiers discussing a dream one of them had. He says that he dreamed that their camp was destroyed by like... bread or something, and one of his buddies is like "Well, we're dead." And then Gideon is comforted and ready to go conquer them.
Isn't that kind of sad, though? He literally was told like five times by the omnipotent God that He would deliver Midian into his hands. And he's freaking out and has to go get comfort from his enemies.

What?

Don't do that. Trust God. Trust Him, trust Him, trust Him.

And then Gideon conquered Midian (in a somewhat humorous turn of events) and they all lived happily ever after, until the Israelites decided to forsake their God and turn to worshiping idols again, which was a brilliant idea and doesn't exactly make for a great ending.

NONETHELESS, remember this lesson from the story of Gideon who conquered Midian:  Don't be afraid to step out and take what God has given to you.

Not unto us, O LORD, not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth's sake.
Wherefore should the heathen say, Where is now their God?
But our God is in the heavens: he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased.
Their idols are silver and gold, the work of men's hands.
They have mouths, but they speak not: eyes have they, but they see not:
They have ears, but they hear not: noses have they, but they smell not:
They have hands, but they handle not: feet have they, but they walk not: neither speak they through their throat.
They that make them are like unto them; so is every one that trusteth in them.
O Israel, trust thou in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
Ye that fear the LORD, trust in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
The LORD hath been mindful of us: he will bless us; he will bless the house of Israel; he will bless the house of Aaron.
He will bless them that fear the LORD, both small and great.
The LORD shall increase you more and more, you and your children.
Ye are blessed of the LORD which made heaven and earth.
The heaven, even the heavens, are the LORD'S: but the earth hath he given to the children of men.
The dead praise not the LORD, neither any that go down into silence.
But we bless the LORD from this time forth and for evermore. Praise the LORD.

Psalm 115

I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.

For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Psalm 16:8-11

Passing Storms

I think I like storms.

I can say that now, sitting at the computer in the cozy, dry warmth of my home, looking out at the world all fresh and green and clean-smelling. The sun is reflecting its golden light off the water droplets which adorn everything in sight. The plants have all perked up, refreshed by the rain.

I can say that now that I see why the storm was necessary and good. But in the midst of the noise and chaos of the thunderstorm, I can't say that I always like storms. (Especially when they mess up my iPod so I can't hear my music)

Isn't it like that in our lives sometimes, though? When friends move away, when you can't have something you wanted, when you feel like you aren't doing anything right - these are our storms. It's hard to see through the initial pain how any good can come of it. But God brings these storms into our lives to bring us closer to Him and refine us, so we may come forth beautiful as gold in the end. When trials seem to come endlessly, that's when we need Christ the most.

This morning I was really worrying about something that came up suddenly. A little later I was being driven home from a friend's house (still with a heavy heart), and I wasn't really paying attention to the various conversations in the car, but the lady driving us said something about the weather and mentioned that it was "just a passing storm." That comment, though not aimed towards me or my situation, reminded me that God makes all things beautiful in His time, even if it takes a storm to do it.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 1:25, "The foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men." It may not make any sense to us how we can make it through our storms or why they're there, but God knows, and past that, it doesn't really matter. We're just supposed to trust His promise that He would give us nothing in our lives that we can't overcome.

In Christ, we have nothing to fear from the passing storms of life, and we know that when they're over, we'll see the beauty that He realized all along.

At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it?-- Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never!--All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Bonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years. At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide. 

         -Abraham Lincoln, 1838

Another morning and I wake with thirst

for the goodness I do not have. I walk
out to the pond and all the way God has given us such beautiful lessons. Oh Lord,
I was never a quick scholar but sulked
and hunched over my books past the hour
and the bell; grant me, in your mercy,
a little more time. Love for the earth
and love for you are having such a long
conversation in my heart. Who knows what
will finally happen or where I will be sent,
yet already I have given a great many things
away, expecting to be told to pack nothing,
except the prayers which, with this thirst,
I am slowly learning.

                 - Thirst, Mary Oliver

"This book has pores. It has features. This book can go under the microscope. You'd find life under the glass, streaming past in infinite profusion. The more pores, the more truthfully recorded details of life per square inch you can get on a sheet of paper, the more 'literary' you are. That's my definition, anyway. Telling detail. Fresh detail. The good writers touch life often. The mediocre ones run a quick hand over her. The bad ones rape her and leave her for the flies. So now do you see why books are hated and feared? They show the pores in the face of life. The comfortable people want only wax moon faces, poreless, hairless, expressionless. We are living in a time when flowers are trying to live on flowers, instead of growing on good rain and black loam. Even fireworks, for all their prettiness, come from the chemistry of the earth. Yet somehow we think we can grow, feeding on flowers and fireworks, without completing the cycle back to reality. Do you know the legend of Hercules and Antaeus, the giant wrestler, whose strength was incredible so long as he stood firmly on the earth? But when he was held, rootless, in midair, by Hercules, he perished easily. If there isn't something in that legend for us today, in this city, in our time, then I am completely insane."

-from Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury)

On cheeseballs

I am 15 years old.

Or 184 months old.

Or 803 weeks old.

Or 5,625 days old.

Or 135,010 hours old.

Or 8,100,650 minutes old.

Or 486,039,027 seconds old.

That's not really a long time when you think about it. But it is fifteen years longer than zero. ;)

And so, I have learned a thing or two in my lifetime. Now, I don't claim to be wise as King Solomon or brilliant as Albert Einstein, and I doubt I ever will be. However, I am friends with this girl who happens to know everything. And she teaches me new things almost every day. And we both figured something out recently.

And that thing is that people can be cheeseballs sometimes.

But that's okay.

No matter what you do, there will always be someone judging you. But they don't really matter. 

What's important is that you realize these six things.

1. God loves you.

2. You love God.

3. God is a part of you.

4. So you should love you. (Cuz you are pretty stinking awesome, you know.)

5. You should love other people. (Even the icky cheeseballs)

6. With all that love exuding from you, people won't be able to help but love you too.

Therefore, you win. (And I suppose you could eat the cheeseballs for dinner if you want...even though they're icky...) 

Is it curling the hair

Or painting the face?

Pinning on bows,

Pink ribbons, and lace?

Flounces and frills,

Bracelets and rings?

Polishing nails?

Is it all of these things?

No, you can't pin it on

Like a bow in the hair.

You can't put it on

Like the garment you wear.

It's deeper than ornaments

Gracing the skin.

For true femininity

Comes from within!

It glows from a heart

That is gentle and kind,

A soul that is chaste,

An honest, pure mind.

Without inner goodness

How futile the bows,

For "pinning on petals"

Can ne'er make a rose!

-True Femininity, by Emily Hunter

Fill Up Your Tank

Most of you guys probably know that I went to a family reunion last week. 

And it was awesome.

And I miss everyone a LOT now. 

So yes, I think you could say that there's a sort of emptiness inside. After spending nearly every minute of four days with the people I love most in all the world, suddenly being separated from them is hard, yes.

So do I feel empty?

Somewhat.

However, one of the devotionals that was delivered while we were in North Carolina has given me a new perspective on this situation.

Yes, we all feel the ache in the missing our loved ones, but we spent four days in Christian fellowship, sharing our love for God and each other, praising Him with our song, and trying to give glory to Him in whatever we did.

And because of that, I also have a happiness and satisfaction which nothing could bring but having a full spiritual tank.

Because we were able to share this common bond of Christianity, it is my hope that everyone in attendance at our reunion left feeling the same way. We built each other up, encouraged each other in Christianity, and learned more about our God. 

This also reminds me of the verse we Christians quote often at funerals, about not sorrowing as the world sorrows because we have hope and assurance that nobody but God can bring. I don't know what the future holds, and it's true that I may not see some of my family again in this life (though I pray that God will bring us all safely back together again next year), but I know that God holds the future, and I'm trusting in Him to fill up my spiritual tank in every situation.

Yup. It's definitely full right now. :)

How to Get Ununinspired

I realized that like my last twenty-six blog posts have started out with "I'm really sorry" or something along those lines, so this time I'm not even going to bother.

I regret nothing.

Okay, I lied, I seriously wish that I had posted at least one more time than I did over the last almost-month (which would put me at a grand total of one post). I do, however, feel that I had a good reason for my non-presence in the blogging world.

I was uninspired.

Yep. See that right there? That was me. Sad, but true.
As bummerific as being uninspired was/is, I know that I cannot possibly be the only person to suffer from it.

So here is a top ten list for you guys!

HOW TO WRITE UNUNINSPIRED BLOG POSTS

1. Look up quotes, think about them, and write your thoughts on them.
2. Think of a random top ten list to post. (I promise you guys this one actually does not apply to this post; however, I have used it numerous times in the past.)
3. Do something fun, unusual, exciting, adventurous, silly, unique, insane, adrenaline-pumping, dangerous, special, or crazy (preferably all of the above). Take pictures.
4. Find a really old picture and post a memory it brought to mind.
5. Post something random, funny, and so completely out there that all your fans will love you forever. (I like to think I'm an expert at this one)
6. Post an inspiring message about self-motivation, beauty, love, friendship, family, or something like that.
7. Read other people's blogs. (Oftentimes I find that I am not alone in leaving my blog untouched for long periods of time, and then I feel better about myself.)
8. Sit and think for a while before you start to write. I've found that some of my best topics come to mind at a whim.
9. Dissect a fetal pig.
10. Write a journal post. Not like an "OH DIARY LET ME TELL YOU THE SECRETS OF MINE INNERMOST HEART," but rather, let your readers in to your life. Let them get to know you, your interests, how you pass your time (Half my time is spent wishing that I was a better blogger), your family, and such like. It could be fun! ;)

Another thing that I've discovered is the power of the scheduled post. When I am in an inspired mood, I find myself  wanting to write post after post after post, but not wanting to overwhelm you, my readers. So I write as many posts as I wish, but schedule each for a different day. That way, you can cheat and make it look like you are a most inspired person, when really, you just wrote like ten posts in one day and spread them out. (Life hack right there, people. You should thank me.)

Now go! Take what I have taught you! Be ununinspired bloggers!

For good?

I don't like traveling.

I realized this yesterday. It wasn't so much the traveling I suppose as what happened on this trip.

We left Thursday evening to go to Fort Myers, Florida for a piano competition. We decided to only go halfway Thursday so Mom didn't have to drive at night. The trip was great on Thursday, we were having fun, and the hotel was mostly clean. ;)

And then came Friday. 

We were about an hour out from our hotel when the engine started to overheat. We had to pull over for a few minutes to let the engine cool down. It was hot, and buggy, and generally not pleasant.

We made it to an exit just a few miles out of Ocala and found a mechanic, who told us basically that IF we made it to Fort Myers without further trouble, we would have to get a major system replaced in our van. (In other words, lots of $$$) We put some water in the radiator and pushed on towards our destination. We had about three hours still to go, and we had to turn on the heat to try to keep the engine temperature down. So it was hot, and cramped, and buggy all the rest of the way to Fort Myers. Then came the joy of trying to navigate through strange territory. We made it to our hotel and got to a repair shop, where we found that we had to have some things replaced, cleaned, etc...

We rented a car and found that the rental place closed at 12 on Saturday and wasn't open at all on Sunday, and we couldn't get the car back by noon, but we didn't want to be stuck down there until Monday. Thusly, we had to try and figure out how to get the car returned and our van picked up while also stressing about rehearsal times, checkout times, and all the other lovely things that go along with a trip. We ended up eating lunch at about 6:30 on Friday; however, we did make it to Geoff's rehearsal with plenty of time. 

We had the rare opportunity to get a recording of Geoff's concerto on two beautiful Steinways, but unfortunately in the middle of our recording, a teacher rudely barged in and interrupted our video and essentially kicked us out of the recital hall.

I cried.

And then we got tacos and found a jazz station on the radio and things got a little better.

The competition came and the rude teacher's student won. We had a not good experience; however, the campus was pretty and it's always nice to hear such awesome performances (even if you personally dislike some of the people) 

We've now gone to this competition a total of four times and each one has proved more and more that at this level of musicianship, the more you're willing to sacrifice personal morals and impose on other people and sell your soul and abandon any hope of life outside of music competitions, the better you will do.

And we decided that we're never doing this competition again. Because every year we leave feeling like losers, and that's not right.

Despite the bad things (which I'll admit were numerous), we could see God right there with us, helping us through it all. He sent the right people to help us everywhere, and they all were kind and understanding of our situation and were very helpful (right down to the workers at all the fast food places we stopped) Everything really worked out exactly the way that we needed it to happen. Although it certainly wasn't the most convenient, or the most preferable, or even the most fun, it helped us to learn and grow as people, and more importantly as Christians.

Some people might call it luck, or karma, or anything else, but I know that it was my God being there for me, just as He always has been.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  (Rom. 8:28)

Gray and White

I stare into infinite White, wondering how I will ever win the battle over nothingness.

White stares back, daring me to mar its purity.

Holding my breath, I direct my pencil towards White.

Delicate whispers of Gray on White.

I breathe easier and continue fighting Gray's battle.

Further and further, darker and darker Gray grows.

Checking each line, aiming for perfection.

Darker Gray creeps up on White.

I am grinning now as the battle is being won.

But then a traitorous line gives White a chance.

White floods to all corners, obliterating almost all Gray.

Aided by my own eraser, White is once again victorious.

Taunted by White, let down by Gray, I am tempted to throw down my pencil.

But then I see a brave little Gray, hiding away from White, and I know I must not abandon it.

The little Gray grows darker on White.

I move my pencil quickly and skillfully, carefully penciling in each detail.

White is retreating surely and briskly.

And then just as almost all is gone, I stop, and breathe, "Perfect."

Remaining are both Gray and White.

Wondering White knows not why it has been allowed to remain.

Victorious Gray groans at my mercy.

Looking at my masterpiece, I smile, for I know this:

Gray is nothing without contrasting White. 

On Easter

Well, as I'm sure most of you have figured out, I am NOT done with blogging.
As in, APRIL FOOLS! xD
Haha...aha...
Now on to business.

This weekend was Easter, and you all know what that means!
(Besides the fact that it's like the most important holiday in the whole stinking world - think petty, okay?)

EASTER CANDY!
Now my family has never done much celebrating for Easter, even an egg hunt was a rare occurrence for us. However we do generally get at least a few pieces of candy. This year I was SUPER pumped to find Snickers and Reese's in my basket (my favoritest chocolatey munchies)
Yesterday a certain wish at 11:11 came true when I got a Snickers. :)
But yes. I got candy. :)
Also, we were in Mississippi for Easter, as my dad's birthday was the day before. We were visiting my grandma and uncle. We haven't gone to church in Mississippi for a long time, and we didn't this time either. That kind of gave me a new take on these Christian holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc...) A lot of times we just get so caught up in the traditional sunrise services and Easter ham that we forget the real reason why we're celebrating.
I got a chance to think about it some on Sunday and to talk to my friends and even though I was miles away from them, together as Christians we were celebrating that our Lord is alive, no matter who tries to keep Him down. That's why we celebrate Easter. I'm not saying that any of the things we do to celebrate are wrong. Just keep in mind why we're doing them.
And may you get some candy while you're at it. :)

Dealing with Dudes

In order for this post to be appreciated to its maximum capacity, there's a few things I should make sure you all know about me first.

1. I'm homeschooled.

2. We go to a homeschool co-op with a bunch of other homeschool families.

3. I like to be in charge of everything.

4. I am kind of a stickler for spelling and good handwriting.

Anyway. 

I'm taking a world literature class at co-op this year and currently we're reading The Count of Monte Cristo. (An excellent book, by the way) Our teacher assigned us a project where we have to either defend or prosecute the main character. There are about twelve or so kids in the class, so we had to divide into teams. And I got a team full of guys.

Don't get me wrong, I love them and all, but goodness...this project is going to be a test of my patience (which is limited). So here are some lessons learned from my literature group thus far.

When dealing with dudes, you must NEVER...

NEVER EVER mention bacon. Or meatloaf. Or cheeseburgers. They will never shut up about it.

NEVER EVER let them write stuff down. Unless you are different from me and can abide abominable spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and handwriting.

NEVER EVER allow yourself to be the only girl on a team of guys. 

When dealing with dudes, you must ALWAYS...

ALWAYS manage to sneakily be the boss. (Although I know I'm the boss of all those boys anyway.)

ALWAYS throw an elbow once in a while to keep them in check.

ALWAYS stand up or sit on your knees or something so you're bigger than they are. It earns you instant respect.

Stuff I will never understand when dealing with dudes...

They like to argue. About everything. And if you're not currently arguing about anything, they will create something to argue about.

Pretty much everything about them actually. This is going to be an interesting project.

It's a good thing that I'm friends with all of my teammates, cuz otherwise someone might get hurt.