A Lily Among Thorns

I know it's totally unusual that I manage two blog posts in two days (or even two months for that matter), but let's not talk about that. Let's just enjoy the illusion that Meredith has gotten her act together as long as we can, okay?

Okay.

I'm here to talk to you guys about love.

And since I'm a young teenager who has never been in a serious relationship, obviously I know what I'm talking about.

I did some extensive research (and by "extensive research" I mean "I Googled this") and the definition for love I found is "an intense feeling of deep affection."

Let's just say I wasn't exactly satisfied with that definition.

So I delved even deeper into my intensive research. I Googled "true love." Underneath an entry about a movie from the late eighties, I found a poetic entry in the Urban Dictionary. It's quite long (after all, love is a complicated thing to define, evidently), but here are a few excerpts. (And here is the full article - warning: barf bags may be necessary)

Love is the feeling you get when all you have to do is think of her and it brings a smile to your face and a yourning to your heart. Love is not being able to think about nething but her.

Love is an overwelming feeling of pure bliss when the 2 of u kiss. Love is wanting to hold her in ur arms till the end of time.

Love is telling her u want to spend the rest of your life with her. Love is wanting to marry her even tho ya'll haven't been dating that long.

*facepalm*

I don't know what a "yourning" is, but boy do I want to bring one to someone's heart. And I definitely want a guy to think about "nething" but me.

Way to go, Romeo.

Now I hate to not give someone's work a fair evaluation just because their grammar and spelling was magnificently incorrect.

(But guys, don't ever underestimate the power of a good vocabulary and skilled handling of the English language.)

But this person's attempt at defining love, along with many others, doesn't quite capture the entire idea.

Most people never get past thinking that love is about what you feel.

And don't get me wrong, love certainly is very much about those nice romantic feelings.

I read some in Song of Solomon to research for this post (don't tell my mom), and I'm not going to lie - I kind of felt like I was reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

So according to the Bible, love does and should make you feel warm fuzzies.

BUT THIS IS WHERE IT GETS GOOD GUYS

Love is so much more special and beautiful than all those feelings.

As nice as it is to feel love, feelings are only temporary. And to quote that cheesy song, I want a love that will last.

Based off of the Bible, I can conclude that the thing we're getting wrong about love is...well, pretty much everything.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4-7)

When I read those verses, I can't help but think about my friends who are so "in love" with whoever they may currently be interested in. They gush about how much they love that person, but when I compare their relationship to the Biblical standard, their "love" simply doesn't hold up.

To be completely open, honest, and teenage girlish, I absolutely cannot wait to fall in love, get married, and raise a family with whoever God has for me. Thinking about it makes my heart so very glad.

But I want more than a shallow love based only on feelings. I don't want to have a relationship that makes people shake their heads and speculate about how long it will last. I've seen so many romances gone bad because there is no substance, and when the feelings went away, suddenly there just wasn't any love left.

I don't want my love to be cheap and shallow. I want people to see that there is something different with me.

I want to be a lily among the thorns.

A Strange Light

I spend a good bit of my time in public lately.

Now don't get me wrong, I still love pulling on a pair of sweatpants and hiding under my comforter for hours at a time, but since I've started dual enrolling, I have to go places and interact with people.

And even though for the most part I "fit in" (whatever that means) fairly well, I still kind of feel like this happens when I'm walking around:

(Only I don't look quite so fantastically beautiful.)

It's not because I sometimes spontaneously make spastic movements because I'm excited about something.

 

It's not because I look funny. (Usually.)

 

It's not even because I have this inexorable urge to break into the abandoned coffee shop at school and wander around dramatically singing "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables."

 

 

Don't judge.

 

I have this one teacher at school who is very interested in the fact that I happen to be a dual enrolled student who is also homeschooled. He told me he's always been a little skeptical about homeschooling in general, so naturally I felt a little pressure from the get-go to prove to him that whatever negative thoughts he had about homeschoolers weren't true, at least not for me.

 

So when we had our first test on Monday, my normal love for tests of all shapes and sizes was slightly tainted with anxiety. It was pretty typical as far as tests go, and as far as testing goes at this particular college, it was a pretty typical day. There were a couple of people who finished in five minutes, which used to impress me but I now know generally means they did quite poorly indeed. I finished in about twenty-five minutes, but I knew I wouldn't get picked up until later and I was quite comfortable, so I pretended to check my work for fifteen minutes longer.

 

I felt like I probably did okay on the test, but I wasn't sure, and I was worried.

 

Thusly, come the next class period, I was quite relieved when I walked into the classroom and the teacher said, "Here comes my star student!" I got the highest grade in the class, and I was pleased.

However, when the teacher was going over the test, I noticed one question that I had missed that he had not marked incorrect.

 

Oh, great.

 

My grade was already further away from a perfect score than I was happy about. To speak up and point out to the teacher that he had given me too high a grade would be stupid. I was at the top and I was happy about it and I did NOT want that to go away.

 

But on the other hand, honesty is the best policy, yes?

 

Nobody should have to deal with moral dilemmas at 9:45 in the morning.

 

Nevertheless, deal with it I did. I raised my hand and from my seat in the back row (I came in late on the first day and the teacher made us stay in whatever seat we had chosen) called out, "I think I missed one and you didn't take off for it."

 

Every head in the classroom turned around and stared at me.

 

The teacher is somewhat hard of hearing, so he asked me to repeat myself. The other students all looked at me, their confused expressions screaming, "What is wrong with you? SHUT UP."

 

I repeated myself and the professor got a little twinkle in his eye. He turned to one of the students in the front row and asked what they thought he should do. She said that since it was his mistake, she thought I should get to keep my original score, to which the professor replied that he decidedly disagreed.

 

He started walking down the aisle and I put on a brave face. I had literally just given away two precious points from my test score, and I felt like a tender part of me was about to have a giant red X scratched across it. But when the teacher handed back my paper a few moments later, instead of a glaring, blood-red -2, I saw a cheery, scarlet +2 written next to the question.

 

Now this teacher is a Genuine Antique Person, and he has a ball cap to prove it. I thought maybe he had just misunderstood me, but all I could get out was a confused "Umm..."

 

The teacher, talking to the whole class, said that because he's eighty years old and has been working at the school for ten years, he can basically do whatever he wants because the school isn't going to do anything to him. Apparently he also believes that honesty is the best policy, so in a case like mine, if the student doesn't try to hide the mistake, he rewards their honesty.

 

So that worked out.

 

Except that here I am, less than a month into the semester and already everyone in that class thinks I'm a little strange.

 

But that's okay. I didn't know that the teacher was going to reward me. I just knew this: Even though I don't loudly announce to the whole world that I'm a Christian, if I don't represent that in my actions, people definitely will never have a chance to see Christ through me.

 

So if looking a little strange to others means maintaining a good testimony, I'd say that's a pretty good tradeoff.

 

In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. (John 1:4-5)

 

People may not always understand the difference, but they will always notice it.

 

Be the light.

 

Be strange.

The Character Secret

I'm a girl.

And being a girl is hard.

A few common characteristics of girls include tendency to overthink things, obsession with their appearances, and extreme concern for what people think of them.

Under the pressure of our overwhelmingly beauty-obsessed society, many girls entangle themselves with drugs or alcohol, develop eating disorders, or find themselves depressed because they are not pretty/thin/popular enough to satisfy the standards they think they must accept.

Because I'm a good, dedicated blogger, I've actually done a lot of research for this post, looking at statistics and whatnot. (And besides, I have a blog, so that grants me instant credibility.)

I noticed that it seems as though the percentage of girls who are happy with themselves is inversely proportional to the age of the girls surveyed. (English translation: the older the girls were, the fewer said they were happy with themselves.)

If you go on a valiant quest to discover scholarly literature on the top issues teenage girls are told they should face, poor body image/low self esteem are the omnipresent topics.

The overall impression given is that girls always have, always will, and always should be first and foremost concerned with how they look and whether their appearance is "acceptable" to their peers.

But I know a powerful secret.

If this secret were revealed to and accepted by everyone, it would likely result in the downfall of the modern beauty industry, the entertainment arena, and fashion empires worldwide.

This secret puts all of my teenage girl issues in perspective.

Meredith's Panacean Secret: Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. (Prov. 31:10)

In this verse and those following, we find a list of characteristics that should be desirable in a lady.

Only twice did I find anything remotely related to appearance.

However, more than a dozen character traits are listed. A kind spirit and good heart, trustworthiness, diligence, shrewdness, industriousness, generosity, a well-informed mind, compassion - the list goes on.

Society's obsession with beauty is in direct contradiction to the biblical truth: Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. (Prov. 31:30)

Girls who reject society's perverted views and seek the truth are more valuable than rubies.

Here's a little tidbit about rubies from this article:

"Among rubies though, there is no shortage of small gems, the kind used in cluster rings. They are somewhat expensive, but readily available. It is when you get into gems of a carat o[r] more that they get really expensive. Good quality rubies in this size range are few and far between."

It's not difficult to find a woman.

It's not even that difficult to find a woman of character. Like smaller rubies, they are readily available and have significant value.

But virtuous women are few and far between.

I want to be one of the few.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. (Prov. 31:28)

This is Not a Judge-Free Zone

I know quite a few people. And like I mentioned in my previous post, they are all difficult to understand sometimes. 

And for someone like me who's been raised in an almost exclusively Christian environment, it's been pretty eye-opening over the last couple years to realize that not everybody believes the same things I do.

So I came to the conclusion that not agreeing about everything is not necessarily bad. Just because we have different standards about music, dress, relationships, entertainment, etc. doesn't mean that any one of us is any holier than the other.

But that was when I was still interacting only with other Christian young people. However, as my circles have expanded more, I've started getting to know teenagers who believe all kinds of different things. And since we're all young whippersnappers and most of us are pretty proud of ourselves for figuring out what we believe (Ha.), and since naturally everyone wants to know what we think (Ha.), we share our opinions. A lot.

So I've been exposed to all sorts of new things. People I barely know have spoken freely to me about their personal lives and how various occurrences have affected their beliefs. They've asked me what I think and they've told me I'm wrong. 

And one thing I've heard from every single young person I've had this sort of discussion with is this: "I'll respect your beliefs if you'll respect mine."

I respect you. I'm sure you're a very nice person with lots of cool hobbies who is super fun to be around. But frankly, I'm not going to respect your beliefs or your attitude about your beliefs.

See, we live in a society that exalts the individual. We've been participation awarded into the belief that there is no standard of excellence. As long as you're okay with yourself, everybody else should sit down and shut up. 

Wow.

I was spanked when I was younger (a lot). I was taught that I'm a sinner by nature. I was told that I was rebelling against my authority and being disrespectful.

This was news to me.

I was definitely pretty okay with myself while I was sassing back my parents and disobeying them.

But you know what? I could have been totally okay with all that and still be sent straight to hell for eternity. 

Regardless of the mediocrity our Godless culture force-feeds us, there is a standard of excellence.

For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

I don't like being at odds with other people. I would be very much happy if everybody would just love each other and put others first and all those lovely things. But that's not very realistic, is it?

I know you don't want me to judge you for what you believe. But even if I don't, God will.

Demanding a judge-free, respectful attitude from others indicates that you feel like something is wrong with what you believe. Your conscience is bearing witness that any belief that is in disagreement with the Bible is wrong, and your attitude about what you think reflects that.

Everyone will face God someday to be judged, and I don't think that "Well, I was okay with myself" is going to mean much then.

If God is okay with you, then everybody else can sit down and shut up. That's the standard that we should hold ourselves to.

Which is why it's saddening to see that increasing numbers of my peers - even in my Christian social circles - are accepting what society tells them so unquestioningly.

Don't let anybody tell you what to think (except us) - be your own person!

NO.

I'm not my own person. 

And I'm okay with that.

On Sincerity

"If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all." 

A common enough aphorism, I'm sure. I know I've heard this one more times than I can say I always appreciated.

But as usual, it took me a long time to realize the full measure of wisdom in this saying (and chances are I still haven't got it all). Not only did it take a long time, it actually took some divine intervention.

As stated in previous posts, I am a girl. And as I am well aware, girls are very odd and often irrational creatures. And I'm about to tell you one of our greatest secrets.

We all hate each other.

Oh, sure, you may be my best friend, but you have nicer hair than me. You may be my sister, but WHY do you have such gorgeous eyes? 

We can't stand not having all the beauty, talent, intelligence, humor, charm, and wit when obviously every other girl does.

We hate you.

Nevertheless, we will rain down compliments on you like nobody's business at every possible opportunity.

Because we hate you.

"Ohhhhh my gooooodnessss girlll!!!! I loooooveee your hairrr!!!"

"DEM EYES DOE"

"Can you just not? Please? Like...just no. Stop. Ugh."

*shudder*

Sadly, I think I'm guilty of all of those examples and more.

Now don't get me wrong - girls can compliment sincerely. But in general, we don't think through what we're saying enough to even be completely sure that we mean it.

I've been thinking a lot about sincerity lately and trying to be more careful about not paying compliments that I don't honestly mean.

So this brings me back to the original thought. Compliments are always good, yes? So what's the harm in paying a few not-entirely-sincere compliments?

I was reading through Psalms earlier (because I really think it would be very hard to read too many Psalms - they're good for my heart and mind) and I came across these verses:

Help, LORD; for the godly man ceaseth; for the faithful fail from among the children of men. They speak vanity every one with his neighbour: with flattering lips and with a double heart do they speak. The LORD shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaketh proud things. (Ps. 12)

See that line that I put in bold? Does that sound familiar at all?

Well, I don't know about you, but it sounds an awful lot like those insincere compliments I told you about. And it doesn't sound like God deals very kindly with people who do that.

Don't be insincere with your words.

Not only does that passage in Psalms tell us what we should not do, it gives us something to aim for (I love when the Bible is this clear).

The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.

This is the standard that we should hold ourselves to. So perhaps it's time we rephrase those wise words from earlier now that the Bible has shed some light on the situation.

"If you don't have anything good, true, and sincere to say, don't say anything at all."

A New Chapter (or something like that)

I turned sixteen yesterday.
And I heard the usual birthday questions several times yesterday: "So do you feel any different?"
Well, to be honest, I feel very different... But that's probably just me. I'm very excited to be getting older and being allowed more privileges (and responsibilities), and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me over the next few years of my life. I've been learning a lot and really realizing the beauty of a life lived for Christ. Hopefully year sixteen will be an even better year for me than the last.
Last February 6th I posted sixteen things I was thankful for (one for each year of my life, and one to grow on). This year I think I'll post a few things I learned this past year. I don't think I can manage seventeen, but I'll do my best.

1. When God is your number one priority, everything else just sort of falls into place.
2. You can teach yourself dedication and discipline. As evidenced by my actually effective piano practice the last few weeks.
3. Friends come and go. All we can do is appreciate the time we are given with them.
4. The accelerator and the brake do very different things in a car and they are not to be confused.
5. Encouraging someone can be one of the easiest things you do, but it means so much.
6. What Makes You Beautiful is still an excellent running song. Some of you may judge me for that, but frankly...

Moving right along...

7. People appreciate kindness a lot more than I thought.

8. Snow is overrated. As is ice. As is winter in general. See, I like electricity. And warmth.

9. How to wash your hair like they do at hair salons...

10. As much as I dislike school sometimes, I am literally lost without it. Having gone a week without school unexpectedly (due to "inclement weather") I realized that it's seriously my entire life.
11. Your parents are actually on your side.
12. I am incredibly blessed. My entire life is so abundantly overflowing with God's gifts that it's really pretty unbelievable. My God is truly amazing.

I'm definitely looking forward to learning even more in the coming year. Anything difficult is a tool to make me stronger, and anything easy is a blessing. No matter what, I have amazing family and friends who will be with me through everything. Thanks all for your love and encouragement. <3

Evolution

Guys. I am an example of evolution.
Not like Darwin, natural selection, billions of years, Origin of Species stuff.
I'm talking about the second definition of evolution.

the gradual development of something, esp. from a simple to a more complex form.

Those of you who have been following me from the very beginning can certainly testify to this fact. And my more recently joined readers - you will be easily convinced. Things definitely started out pretty simple for me.

07/21/11

I'm not sure if it's this way to you guys, but whenever I look at my blog posts, the time stamp is always two hours earlier than the actual time I posted. Just wanted to let you know( if you have this problem) that I really don't wake up really early and instantly get online. 
Have fun! :)

12/13/11

We were at Fazoli's a while ago eating our spaghetti and breadsticks. I finished my breadstick, so I grabbed Geoff's.
Geoff: Hey!
Me: What? It's in the Bible: Stolen bread is sweet...um...yeah!
Geoff: That's not how it goes.
Me: Whatever. (Eats breadstick anyway)

02/09/12

This morning has been totes fab so far! (I'm practicing my teenage girl speak, apparently!)
I slept until nine, read my book in bed until nine thirty, took my sweet time getting ready, then sauntered downstairs, ate a bowl of cereal while reading, read some more, then got caught reading and was made to do algebra. Ah, the life of a homeschooler! So besides that last part, it was great! Then I made some nom-noms (brownies) for the skating party later - so excited - and now it smells like brownies in my house! :)
Plus, I have a chocolate bar in my purse just waiting for me! I'm one happy girl! :)

10/30/12

0.
l6+555555

My dog can blog too. :)

Yeah, things were pretty much not worth the time they took to write. Even when I tried my hand at a haiku in May of this year,

(Nothing good to say.
But I said it anyway.
So I guess I win.)

I wasn't really saying much, was I? Oh, occasionally there would be a post where I wandered through the shallow parts of my mind and delved deeper, but it was obvious that I was going for quantity and not quality. In December of 2011, I did 37 posts.

And now I feel lucky if I write one a week.

So what's the difference? Well, for one thing, this happened...

I went from taking awkward 90's kid selfies in the bathroom to staring longingly off into the distance?

Well. Yeah. 

But I also matured a lot. And since my blog is an expression of whatever is going on in my mind, if my thoughts become more mature, so will whatever you guys see here. 

Evolution is defined as a gradual development from simple to complex. Everything in my life has gotten more complex lately. Decisions, relationships, piano music, algebra problems - everything is more difficult. It's like leveling up on a video game. THIS ISN'T THE TUTORIAL ANYMORE. 

However, there is really a very simple solution to all the exhausting complexities of life.

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. (Ecc. 12:13)

On Friends

I'm very thankful for my friends. I was thinking last night about how my circles of friends have changed as I've gotten older (because I get all my deep thinking done late at night when I should be asleep, as some of you are unfortunate enough to have learned via long, rambling texts). I realized how God has given me exactly the people I needed to help me grow, learn, and become who I am now. Not that what I am now is a final product or anything - I'm a work in progress for sure.

It's really been kind of weird how I've viewed friends in general at different times in my life. When I was three, I was sort of an elitist. I turned my nose up (quite literally) at children who still wore Pull-Ups and vowed I would never play with that little boy who took my favorite toy in Sunday School. And since a man (or snobby little toddler) must show himself friendly to have friends, I didn't have many. My best (and only) friend moved away when I was five.

When I was six, I was completely obsessed with books. They were my friends. I was almost never seen without a book. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. By the time I was eight, I realized that I didn't have any friends at all. This was definitely difficult for me. Those of you who know me now and have heard this story never believe me at first when I say that nobody liked me, but I promise it's true. I'm pretty sure even my parents didn't like me very much during this time and the next years to come (but they certainly did love me). Don't feel bad for me though - I was wholly unlikable. 

From eight to about eleven I was an absolute terror. Almost never did a day pass that I didn't get spanked. I was miserable. These few years are still the worst of my life (hopefully I have enough years to come that that will sound more impressive later on), and I regret my behavior to this day. And since a man (or terribly behaved little girl) must show himself friendly (or even barely tolerable) to have friends, I had none.

When I was twelve, my family joined a co-op, and I was forced to be around other kids my age regularly. One of the girls there made a point to show love to me like she did to everyone, and I followed her example. I started to act more friendly, and lo and behold - people started to like me. It seems like it happened almost overnight. That co-op and the people in it basically started a new chapter in my life.

When I was thirteen and fourteen, I continued in the co-op and was friends with just about everyone there. I came out of my shell (perhaps too much, but it was okay for someone that age) and kind of got a reputation for being bubbly and crazy and loud. Generally people liked me, and generally I liked them back. I was more of a normal kid. I was an officer in SGA, I never missed PE, I went to co-op - I did everything I could and was totally obsessed with my friends. They were the most important thing to me.
When I was fifteen, though, people kind of started leaving my life. It's the natural way of things, I guess. I did an awful lot of growing up in about two months early in the year. Some of my friends were moving on to the next stage of their life while I wasn't, people were moving, we stopped going to a lot of our regular activities, and I just wasn't feeling it. I still had friends, but I grew apart from a lot of them. I felt like something was missing. Even though I had all the friends I could want, there was a shallowness to my relationships that wasn't cutting it for me.

Then late in May, I realized that I had been giving my friends way too much priority in my life. I was putting them above God. I was putting more energy into my relationships with other people than I was putting into the most important relationship of all - my relationship with Jesus Christ. So I got some things worked out, and lost touch with a lot of the people I had talked to every day only months before. It sounds bad, but I really didn't miss them. I was finally doing things right. God was first, and any friends who weren't okay with that didn't stay around much longer. In addition to developing a better relationship with my God, He sent me wonderful friends that I never expected and are ever so close to my heart now. (It's amazing how God is never content to bless us just a little. He always fills us to overflowing.)

If I was totally honest, I would tell you that I have probably three real friends. That's quite a change from just a year ago, when I would have said that I had at least twenty-four. Lots of people are something like friends to me, but in those three I've found some very special people who encourage me and really just make me happy (and hopefully I do the same for them).
I've wondered if I should feel bad about not trying to continue all the old friendships I used to have, but every time I start to question my current situation I come to this: If God is first in my life and I follow His will, He will send me the right people.
So then it's really quite easy to be certain that I have all the friends I need. If I can determine that God is first, I can rest easy that things are as they should be.
There was a song I used to sing in Sunday School that was so catchy that I'll probably never forget it. But it had a good message, too. The lyrics go, "Jesus and others and you - what a wonderful way to spell 'joy!' Jesus and others and you - in the heart of each girl and each boy. J is for Jesus, for He has first place. O is for others we see face to face. Y is for you in whatever you do. Put yourself third and spell 'joy.'"

God first. Then everyone else. Me last. The rest is gravy.

New Year's Resolutions

Well guys, it's 2014. And as you all know, in with the new year flood a plethora of New Year's resolutions. 

I suppose it makes sense; that when you start a new year you get a clean slate, so to speak. (Although really, other than a sort of symbolic switching of the calendars, nothing really changes so drastically as to actually erase all the nastiness of the past year) True, you are presented with 365 new days, in which you can do anything you choose. (Unless you have no life like me and you'll be spending all your time on schoolwork. But my time will come...) 

Some people resolve to read more books, or work harder, or lose weight, or eat healthier, or to perform random acts of kindness. And there's nothing wrong with that.

But personally, I dislike New Year's resolutions.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with them. For some people, they're great. But for an undisciplined, immature child like me - they just don't work.

Last year I caved to peer pressure. "Meredith, you have to have a New Year's resolution!" (Yeah, I'm a sucker for "Meredith, you have to") I resolved to get more sleep. That didn't last a week.

Anybody who has ever heard me talk about how my piano practice has been going has undoubtedly picked up on the fact that I just tend to be an extremely undisciplined person. I know that. I'm working on that.

But WHAT am I going to do about New Year's resolutions???

I always break them, but I want to become a better person, but I know that it won't last more than a month, but it's a new year and I have a fresh start, but it's a waste of time, but I "have to!"

I must abandon hope. I shall be resolution-less forever.

But this morning, I had a thought while I was reading my Bible. Romans chapter twelve says, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." According to Strong's concordance, the biblical use of "the renewing of your mind" refers to "a renewal, renovation, complete change for the better." 

That sounded pretty good to me. This year, I'm not making specific resolutions that I know I'm going to pay no mind. I'm just going to continue doing what I already do: seeking God's guidance and relying on Him to give me what I need for each day. Everything I need is found in Him.

And think about this if you like the whole "clean slate" thing. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24) 

I'm not saying anything against New Year's resolutions. I'm just not strong enough for them. So this year, I choose to better myself with God, because His strength is perfect when ours is gone.

On Love

Now, now. I know several of you probably saw the title of this and freaked out. To those of you who just had a similar knee-jerk reaction to that of Mrs. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice upon hearing that Mr. Bingley is coming to town ("It is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit him as soon as he comes.") I offer a hearty "pooh pooh" and tell you: CALM YOURSELVES.

This post is not going to be about falling in love. Check back in about thirty-five years for that one. (Sorry to disappoint.)

I've been hearing a lot about loving other people lately, from people who differ greatly in age, belief, personality, etc... So I just thought I would briefly offer some musings on the subject of love.

At Bible Conference at the college this spring, there was a speaker who talked about Calvary love, which loves in spite of all our shortcomings, and how this is the type of love that we should show in our lives. We love because love is of God and He first loved us, and we love unconditionally because that's how God does it.

Something that actually really convicted me about loving people was reading old letters from my cousin Sara. She was only about six years old, but what she said to me then really touched my heart reading it over again. (I'm going to change it just a little because the grammar and spelling is a little difficult to understand)

"I love you so much since you love me so much. Mommy loves you too for that card. Do you like this? Send your card to me and I will be happy. Will you be happy too? I hope you will be happy.  PJ loves you too. Philip loves you too, and Joshua and Caleb too, and Daddy and Mommy too.

The two best things are Jesus and love."

And in another one...

"Are you loving people?

I hope you are."

Sara's letters made me realize that I definitely have not been truly loving people. When you read her letters, you can tell that she was absolutely obsessed with other people - loving them, making them happy, putting them first. Seeing a little girl (albeit an extraordinary little girl) with so much capacity for love made me wonder how much more I should be able to love now. 

It's not always easy. People won't always love you back. (And they have rewarded me evil for good, and hatred for my love -Ps. 109:5) 

But God so loved the world. The whole world. I think I can at least try to love the folks in my little piece of it.

Let brotherly love continue. (Hebrews 13:1)

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. (1 John 4:7)

Messes of Pottage

My dog is not too brilliant. (If you've been unlucky enough to meet her, you know that quite well.)

So the other day, Mom had this huge bone left over from a roast she made. And because we love Grace in spite of her selfishness and stupidity, we let her have the bone so she could chew on it or something like that. Now although Grace has the mentality of a Great Dane, she is most definitely just a quivering little Cocker Spaniel who could hardly hurt a fly. She did almost no damage to that huge bone. Honestly I think she just liked having something to put in her mouth.

But she loved that thing.

She guarded that thing, too.

We found her randomly holed up with the bone in her crate after we gave it to her, and whenever we got too close, she would growl and bare her teeth at us. (Obviously she never learned that sharing is caring.)

We decided to let her just stay in there for a little. We figured eventually she would get bored and come out. But there she stayed, all morning, with a bone she had no clue what to do with, but felt she had to protect. Finally I pulled out her leash in an attempt to coax her out. She almost came, but for some reason felt that her useless bone was worth forfeiting a walk, her favorite thing in her entire doggy world.

I can see the total stupidity of her decision because she's my dog. But I do the same thing with my God. Rather than abandoning the corruptible things of this world for God's eternal riches, I stubbornly cling to my messes of pottage, only focusing on what satisfies my worldly lusts. God is offering me the best gifts imaginable, but I'm too busy chewing on my bone to walk with Him. If I would just look to Jesus, I would see that these things have no value compared to what He has laid up for those who diligently seek Him.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in his wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace.

On the Sunrise

The sunrise this morning was beautiful.

And while I was sitting watching it (because the natural thing to do at 6 AM is to curl up with your fuzzy blanket, open your blinds, and watch the day begin), I had a thought.

You know how all artists have a personal trademark or defining style? Like something to say "This work is mine, and I'm proud of it." Even though each piece of art may be different, that same style or trademark is always evident.

So isn't it the same with God's creations?

That sunrise was a work of art. You are a work of art. Every person, animal, and plant in this world is a unique work of art.

Now I don't start off the day looking beautiful, radiant, and sporting various vivid colors. (Those of you unlucky few who've seen me fresh out of a peaceful slumber know I look anything but.) But because I share a common Creator with that sunrise, the glorious trademark of that Creator is with me, too. Some part of the stunning beauty of that sunrise, no matter how small, I carry with me everywhere. God leaves His trademark on all of His creations. The heavens declare the glory of God, and so should we as Christians. It's my prayer that the trademark of God will be impossible to miss in my life.

So isn't that kind of cool little thoughtful thing to think about during thoughtful thinking time?

Personally, I liked my sunrise better, but this one is pretty stinking adorable, too.

Not unto us, O LORD, not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth's sake.
Wherefore should the heathen say, Where is now their God?
But our God is in the heavens: he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased.
Their idols are silver and gold, the work of men's hands.
They have mouths, but they speak not: eyes have they, but they see not:
They have ears, but they hear not: noses have they, but they smell not:
They have hands, but they handle not: feet have they, but they walk not: neither speak they through their throat.
They that make them are like unto them; so is every one that trusteth in them.
O Israel, trust thou in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
Ye that fear the LORD, trust in the LORD: he is their help and their shield.
The LORD hath been mindful of us: he will bless us; he will bless the house of Israel; he will bless the house of Aaron.
He will bless them that fear the LORD, both small and great.
The LORD shall increase you more and more, you and your children.
Ye are blessed of the LORD which made heaven and earth.
The heaven, even the heavens, are the LORD'S: but the earth hath he given to the children of men.
The dead praise not the LORD, neither any that go down into silence.
But we bless the LORD from this time forth and for evermore. Praise the LORD.

Psalm 115

I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.

For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Psalm 16:8-11

Passing Storms

I think I like storms.

I can say that now, sitting at the computer in the cozy, dry warmth of my home, looking out at the world all fresh and green and clean-smelling. The sun is reflecting its golden light off the water droplets which adorn everything in sight. The plants have all perked up, refreshed by the rain.

I can say that now that I see why the storm was necessary and good. But in the midst of the noise and chaos of the thunderstorm, I can't say that I always like storms. (Especially when they mess up my iPod so I can't hear my music)

Isn't it like that in our lives sometimes, though? When friends move away, when you can't have something you wanted, when you feel like you aren't doing anything right - these are our storms. It's hard to see through the initial pain how any good can come of it. But God brings these storms into our lives to bring us closer to Him and refine us, so we may come forth beautiful as gold in the end. When trials seem to come endlessly, that's when we need Christ the most.

This morning I was really worrying about something that came up suddenly. A little later I was being driven home from a friend's house (still with a heavy heart), and I wasn't really paying attention to the various conversations in the car, but the lady driving us said something about the weather and mentioned that it was "just a passing storm." That comment, though not aimed towards me or my situation, reminded me that God makes all things beautiful in His time, even if it takes a storm to do it.

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 1:25, "The foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men." It may not make any sense to us how we can make it through our storms or why they're there, but God knows, and past that, it doesn't really matter. We're just supposed to trust His promise that He would give us nothing in our lives that we can't overcome.

In Christ, we have nothing to fear from the passing storms of life, and we know that when they're over, we'll see the beauty that He realized all along.

Another morning and I wake with thirst

for the goodness I do not have. I walk
out to the pond and all the way God has given us such beautiful lessons. Oh Lord,
I was never a quick scholar but sulked
and hunched over my books past the hour
and the bell; grant me, in your mercy,
a little more time. Love for the earth
and love for you are having such a long
conversation in my heart. Who knows what
will finally happen or where I will be sent,
yet already I have given a great many things
away, expecting to be told to pack nothing,
except the prayers which, with this thirst,
I am slowly learning.

                 - Thirst, Mary Oliver

On trusting God

I think my friends all hate me these days. I always used to freak out to them about everything: school, friends, guys, my hair, sour milk - everything.

And now, I'm learning to trust God. And I've hardly a care in the world (The exception being my upcoming algebra class. I'm scared silly about that.) because duh. Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world. (I know that He who is in me is greater than whatever mysteries are contained in the wonderful world of algebra, too. I'm working on really trusting Him even with that.) Nothing can pluck me from His hand.

In other words: God ain't gonn let nothin hurt you, hun.

Since I've started trusting God and surrendered myself to His will for me, things have been so very different, I hardly believe it's all real. I've been blessed beyond what I could possibly imagine. I've been given crazy opportunities that I've never had before. I've made wonderful friends I would never have expected.

But I've lost some things, too. I've had to give up activities and interests that I truly enjoyed. I've lost some opportunities that seemed oh so appealing. I've lost some friends that I thought would be with me forever. It's hard to give up the things of this life. God didn't say it would be easy. But it will be worth it.

God seems to have fun surprising me more and more with the amazing things He has for me. It's crazy whacked out that I'm so blessed, because I don't deserve any of what I have. It's true that every day with God is an adventure. I never saw it so evident in my life before.

Change is one of those potentially scary, unavoidable things in life (like death and taxes). It can be intimidating to think of leaving your comfortable overstuffed sofas and root beer float world to venture into the unexplored who-knows-where, but God has promised to be with us all the way.

So really, what is there to be afraid of?

On cheeseballs

I am 15 years old.

Or 184 months old.

Or 803 weeks old.

Or 5,625 days old.

Or 135,010 hours old.

Or 8,100,650 minutes old.

Or 486,039,027 seconds old.

That's not really a long time when you think about it. But it is fifteen years longer than zero. ;)

And so, I have learned a thing or two in my lifetime. Now, I don't claim to be wise as King Solomon or brilliant as Albert Einstein, and I doubt I ever will be. However, I am friends with this girl who happens to know everything. And she teaches me new things almost every day. And we both figured something out recently.

And that thing is that people can be cheeseballs sometimes.

But that's okay.

No matter what you do, there will always be someone judging you. But they don't really matter. 

What's important is that you realize these six things.

1. God loves you.

2. You love God.

3. God is a part of you.

4. So you should love you. (Cuz you are pretty stinking awesome, you know.)

5. You should love other people. (Even the icky cheeseballs)

6. With all that love exuding from you, people won't be able to help but love you too.

Therefore, you win. (And I suppose you could eat the cheeseballs for dinner if you want...even though they're icky...) 

Is it curling the hair

Or painting the face?

Pinning on bows,

Pink ribbons, and lace?

Flounces and frills,

Bracelets and rings?

Polishing nails?

Is it all of these things?

No, you can't pin it on

Like a bow in the hair.

You can't put it on

Like the garment you wear.

It's deeper than ornaments

Gracing the skin.

For true femininity

Comes from within!

It glows from a heart

That is gentle and kind,

A soul that is chaste,

An honest, pure mind.

Without inner goodness

How futile the bows,

For "pinning on petals"

Can ne'er make a rose!

-True Femininity, by Emily Hunter